Had a fun birthday spending time with Yasmin and Firdaus. They took me to Gurney Plaza for a movie - The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader and dinner at Seoul Garden.
In the earlier part of the day, dalam banyak-banyak phonecalls yang I received, one call from this very special friend made me teringatkan dia dan situasi terkini yang sedang dia hadapi.
What do you do when relationship between parent & adult children become strained because they chose a life that is totally unacceptable to the parent? Contohnya maybe they don't follow the education/career path you have set for them; atau maybe they make choices you wouldn't make .. does that mean, as a parent, you are putting unrealistic/high expectations on them?
Sememangnya, whether parents like it or not, eventually they have to allow their adult children to make their own choices no matter how good (legaaa..) or lousy (errrkk..!) their decisions might be. We all make mistakes. Judging their decisions and blaming one another is not always necessary. Sebaliknya, often, it is unhelpful!
What is more important than those disagreements?
How do you repair the relationship?
...eemm.. tell the truth to one another
...be sensitive to each other's feelings
...respect one another, despite differences in opinions?
When children become adults, it’s time for parents to ‘resign’ from their role as disciplinarian and into their new role as friend and confidant. It’s hard.. it’s challenging.. but .. it CAN be managed !
Does a good environment ensure perfect children ?
Thru my personal 47 years of observations ..... it's simple, really!
There are no perfect people!
People are capable of totally unreasonable actions; but their behavior does not necessarily reflect their home environment.
No matter what acts the adult children have committed, as parents, we must live with the burden until they are ready to repent. While we sit around and wait for them to repent, the situation will surely eat us away. But when they have come to their senses, forgiveness is all it needs.
Thru my personal 47 years of observations ..... it's simple, really!
There are no perfect people!
People are capable of totally unreasonable actions; but their behavior does not necessarily reflect their home environment.
No matter what acts the adult children have committed, as parents, we must live with the burden until they are ready to repent. While we sit around and wait for them to repent, the situation will surely eat us away. But when they have come to their senses, forgiveness is all it needs.
The tough question is :
What about where there is no regret or remorse?
Should you let you grown kids get away with it?
Make them your enemies?
Make them your enemies?
My answer would be ...
NO ! OF COURSE NOT !
No matter what..
when deeply disappointed ...
>>>Parents cannot deny the wrong choices their children have made
>>>Parents cannot reverse the damages
>>>Parents cannot give up, and most of all ..
>>>Parents cannot cut off all contact.
Because ..
Parents are not perfect too.
>>>Parents cannot reverse the damages
>>>Parents cannot give up, and most of all ..
>>>Parents cannot cut off all contact.
Because ..
Parents are not perfect too.
.... just my personal thoughts,
Mama Dolly
p/s: 1.40am ..still can’t sleep ... haishhh!
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